I was back in the office after taking 5 days leave. Yes, 5 days are definitely not enough to forget all the grief, but life must go on. If grief can be forgotten, then the world is meaningless and nothing is worth living for right? Time is the best healer of all grief, and I'm still taking my time.

1st day masuk ofis, seme staff and trainee BWE diam bile nampak saya. Takde pun kata2 takziah (but I received them earlier via SMS). I know they were trying not to make me sad. They pretended like nothing happened and treated me like I was just coming back from normal leave.

Tetibe jadi sebak 1st day tue. I didn't expect it to be that way. Saye expect orang akan tanye pasal abah, tapi diorang senyap bile nampak saya and tegur pun cam sopan2. Rasa diri ini di-simpati and tuelah yang buat saya rasa sebak. Hari ke-2 onwards dah makin okay. All of us seme pretend like abah saye belum meninggal and diorang tak dengar pun pasal nie.

The next days, dah terus kene attend a few meetings kat SKO. This time terbalik plak. Bertubi2 orang datang and tanye pasal abah, sampai rasa cam malas nak gi SKO dah. Huhu.. Yes, actually saye takdela bebetul ready lagi nak meet people and talk about abah. Like I said, I'm still taking my time, but in my own way. Huhu...

Grief of Losing a Loved One

Whenever I've been asked this question "What is the thing that you are afraid most?" my answer had never been changed since the last decade. It is "Losing my loved ones" Yes, I cannot imagine how would I act if I were to experience this scariest thing in my life.

Thinking of losing my loved ones enough to make me crying. I love my family so much, especially my parents. The more I love people, the more I'm afraid to lose any of them. So, knowing that this is going to be my biggest weakness, I have started to prepare myself to face this.

What I did was putting a limit on my love level. I learned to live by myself and not to be so clingy. Payah kan if terlalu dependent and one day if suddenly hilang tempat bergantung tu, it's going to be a very great loss.

I remember one of my mom's friend. She was a housewife. Dunianya kat rumah jer. She didn't know how to drive. Barang dapur seme hasben yang belikan. One day, his husband passed away, and it was such a huge burden on her.

Mama's Grief

Yes, saya dah biasa berjauhan dengan family. Maybe this is the reason kelukaan saya cepat terubat. But mama will take longer to heal. Piju told me, mama will cry each time she sees abah's picture. I understand that. They've been living together for 29 years. Mama said it'd never been enough.

Mama said she cannot sleep in her room yet. Bayang abah ada di mana-mana. Thank god mama is an independent wife. She has a lot of skills and contacts. I'm sure she'll survive well without abah.

I love my husband so much. He's the only person on earth that I don't put any limits in my love meter. I love him with all my heart. And I know I'm going to hurt a lot once I lose him. Yes, it's going to happen (or the other way round, he might lose me 1st, who knows..) but what to do, it's a part of life.

So, selagi masih hidup nie, sayangilah insan tersayang sepenuh hati, tapi sentiasa ingat, cintakan manusia, manusia akan mati... Mati adalah pengorbanan terbesar sebuah cinta kan? Huhu...


labulat said…
kunaz..i can't help but to feel sorry for u,really.kuatkan hati,kunaz.i believe u can face whatever God gives u.Allah swt takkan bebankan kita dgn bebanan yg tak terpikul dek kita.u've been blessed with lots of great things.great family,great friends,great career n a great husband.kematian,perceraian,hilang harta benda,penyakit kronik..these r all,i'd call e real problems of life that can really make ppl faham erti hidup sebenar despite e itsy bitsy daily shouldn't make himself believe that he's a strong person until he happens to face one of these.more often than not ppl changed..being a better person or worse.with great ppl u have around u,i know u'll b a better person.undeniably,time'll heal e's just the memories that's killing our strength.bila sedih tu,kunaz doakan byk2 utk abah.his gone is not the end..he'd just departed to a new phase of life there.kita semua akan menyusul.
fathi said…
“….Jika Allah mengetahui ada kebaikan di dalam hatimu, nescaya Dia akan memberikan yg lebih baik dari apa yg telah diambil darimu dan Dia akan mengampuni kamu. Allah Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang.” surah Al-Anfal : 70.
kunaz said…
thanks a lot labulat. jgn risau tau! kunaz ok! cuma tuela kadang2 bila datang teringat tue mmg xley wat pape ah. huhu.. yes sure, will keep doakan utk abah. doa anak2 yang soleh je yang bleh tolong dia kat sana kan? (cukup soleh ke nih? huhu...)

hi fathi, thanks sangat2. suke dengan quote surah tue. hopefully pun camtu. amin... huhu...

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