Abah Part 1

This is an old post. It's been there for weeks in the cage called "draft". Huhu.. So lazy to update lately. I'm busy working on a few things that I don't want to reveal them yet. Oklah, alang2 dah memang ada entry dalam draft, sambung type jeklah.


Flight Phobia

Just came back from KL. Haiihh... Baru 2 minggu lepas balik Besut with the same flight. Sisa2 kenangan masih lekat lagi. I remembered my feelings during the journey. Bercampur-baur. I was fighting real hard to hold the tears from coming out. I had Piju on my right and hubby on my left. They wouldn't want to see the tears. We felt so empty, trying our best to pretend that everything was okay.

And I still could feel the emptiness. I still remember clearly when mama called and said "Kak, abah dah takde..." Her voice was shaking. I closedmy eyes and let the tears trapped in my closed eyelids. I fall asleep until I reached KL. I didn't want to get up because I don't want to remember abah. I don't want others to see my tears.


Punca Abah Pergi

Ok, so many people want to know the reason behind abah's death. Dalam sijil kematian tulis sakit jantung. Yes. abah memang dah lama sakit. Sejak saya kat MRSM dulu lagi. Abah ada sakit jantung, darah tinggi, kencing manis, sakit paru2, etc.

Even a week before abah's death mama ada suruh standby kot2 kene balik. Abah tak pernah tenat. Sakit abah tak konsisten. Kadang2 dia sangat sihat, kadang2 dia nampak sangat tak bermaya. Tapi abah tak pernah tenat. Masa mama cakap suruh standby, saya dan Piju memang dah ada niat nak balik, but then mama cakap abah dah okay balik. Dah boleh pegi keje, dah boleh gelak, etc.

Cuma malam tue dalam kul 2.3o pagi abah ada ngadu sakit dada. Memang abah selalu sakit dada. Abah was a heavy smoker. Mama tak tidur sepanjang malam urut2 dada abah. Abah sempat tertidur balik.

Dalam kul 6.15 pagi abah tetiba terjaga and nafas dia sesak2. Dia bernafas pakai mulut, sangat kuat. Jiran sebelah rumah dengar. And yang paling dahsyat, jiran opposite rumah pun dengar (dipisahkan dengan jalan raya and a few land area, quite jauh )

Mama terus ajak abang sulung saya ke hospital. Mama cakap peluh bercucuran kat kepala abah. Mama papah abah keluar rumah. Time mama sibuk2 cari slipar abah, rupe2nya abah dah pakai sendiri sliper. And sliper yang abah pakai adalah sliper yang saya pernah hadiahkan pada abah dulu.

I bought it a year ago masa nak balik kawen if I'm not mistaken. He loved that slipper so much and really took care of it. I bought the same slippers to hubby a few months later tapi dah putus dah pun. Dah nampak usang. Tapi yang abah nyer masih elok kondisi dia.

And abah menghembuskan nafas terakhir dalam kereta, atas ribaan mama. Alhamdulillah mama sempat ajarkan abah mengucap. And he did it. Ayat terakhir keluar dari mulut abah is "Allah..."

Tapi mama and abang proceed jugak ke hospital. Sampai kat unit kecemasan, doktor datang cek abah dalam kereta. Doktor sahkan abah dah takde and suruh abang bawak balik je abah. Sebab kate doktor, once dah masuk ICU akan banyak proses and lama lagi nak bleh release mayat abah.

On the way balik tuelah mama called me. So, kami pun tak sure sebab sebenar kemation abah. Maybe dah sampai masanya. Abah was a good man. Dia jujur, amanah, ikhlas, beragama, etc. Cuma 1 sikap abah yang mama tak mampu nak ubah was his smoking habit. Abag dah pernah masuk wad berkali2 sebab keadaan paru2nya tapi abah still tak mampu nak stop habit tue. Sebab tie mama pernah warning saya suruh cari husband yang tak merokok. Huhu...


Petanda Pemergian Abah

On my side memang saya tak dapat pape petanda =( It's just a week before abah meninggal, memang saya tetiba rasa rindu sangat nak balik rumah. Rasa rindu sesangat nak tidur kat bilik saya kat Besut tue. Rupa2nya bilik tue jadi bilik letak jenazah abah lepas balik dari hospital tue.

And sehari sebelum abah meninggal, saya kat Awana Kijal. Kat situ lagi horror teringat kat family sebab last time saya kat Awana, my whole family (except Piju and hubby) was there, bermalam sama dengan saya, pegi swimming seme (I used to update on this one). Abah was so happy on that day. And malam tue saya borak lama dengan mama dalam phone. Abah sihat lagi malam tue.

On mama's side memang ada petanda, tapi mama nie jenis yang blur and innocent sket, tak sedar tue petanda. Bila abah dah takde baru mama perasan semua tue petanda yang abah dah nak tinggalkan dia.

Dulu abah sangat secretive tentang duit yang dia ada dalam bank. Mama tatau berapa banyak harta yang abah ada. Tapi a few months before abah pergi, abah tak pernah pegi bank sorang2. Selalu ajak mama teman dia.

Abah akan suruh mama isi borang nak bayar kete. Abah kasi pin number and akan suruh mama keluarkan duit abah. Abah akan bitau mama, ape yang nak kene bayar and ape payment yang abah receive monthly. Pendek kata, semua urusan pasal bank, seme abah suruh mama buat depan abah. Some sort of nak ajar mama.

Tapi tuelah, mama blur. Mama tak ingat langsung apa nombor pin atm yang abah selalu suruh dia taip. Huhu...


I'm Getting Better

Kalau ditanya, sedih tak tak dapat tengok wajah abah buat kali terakhir, I would say not really. Saye tak kuat nak pandang wajah terakhir abah. Mesti saye tak mampu jadi setabah haritu yang mampu tahan air mata sampai sakit kepala. Huhu...

Kali terakhir pandang wajah abah ialah masa abah datang Miri. Masa tue seme detik menggembirakan, and biarlah itu yang saya ingat sebagai wajah terakhir abah. Wajah gembira abah. Abah kept telling his friends he really enjoyed the experience being in Miri. Abah cakap 5 hari macam 5 jam jer. Huhu..

I remember yang saya tak cerita detail pasal family saya datang Miri dulu. Will try to write it later. Yang penting sekarang I'm getting much more better. Yes, one of the reason I'm being strong is because I have my husband by my side. He's my strength.

Hubby kat offshore lagi this weekend. Tapi saye dah tak rasa sesunyi dulu. As I said, I'm working on something now. Huhu... Oklah, dah panjang. Will continue later. Got 2 more entries about abah that I want to share tapi bukan dalam masa terdekat nie.

To all friends, thanks again for your support. I love u all!



7 comments:

Mrs Li - Faeeza Yusoff May 4, 2009 at 9:19 AM  

salam takziah akak.maaf lmbt wish... Alhmdlh, nmpk akak sgt tabah.kalo sy xtau la... luckily dh ade hubby temankn akak kn...kalo single lg ssh gak nk thn sorg2.. everythin hapen 4 a gud reason.. sy doakn abah akak di tempatkan di kalangan org2 beriman, amin..

ayin May 6, 2009 at 11:57 AM  

NAZ,takziah...bnykkan bersabar k..

Parchy May 8, 2009 at 1:26 AM  

sabar la kunaz, indeed he is a good man. sebaik2 dugaan tak pernah tuhan tidak sygi hambaNya dengan dugaan2 yang termampu nk dihadapi.

kunaz May 9, 2009 at 12:56 PM  

tq faeeza. dont worry. i used to be like u. but later when u face it in a real life, u'll surprise to see how strong u r...

parchy n ayin, thanks ya.

~lalala~ May 14, 2009 at 2:16 PM  

hey kunaz. sori, aku br jmp blog ko after aku tukar layout. lps tukar layout byk link dh ilang.. so x prsn ur link..

lots of things had happen huh. i'm so sorry to hear about ur lost, n most importantly, i am soooo very sorry bcoz i wasnt there, and are aware about all this.

if i wasnt so malas to track down all the missing blog link, i wud at least know about this earlier, and wud able to ease things out for u. kalo x byk pn, at least 0.000001% pn, jadi la.. if that wud make u feel better.

i know u r a very very strong person kunaz, be it spiritually and mentally. u'll get past this, and looks up ahead of what's in it for u.

again, i am so very sorry about ur lost, and not being there for u. i wish u good luck girl.

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