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Showing posts from April, 2009

Abah Part 1

This is an old post. It's been there for weeks in the cage called "draft". Huhu.. So lazy to update lately. I'm busy working on a few things that I don't want to reveal them yet. Oklah, alang2 dah memang ada entry dalam draft, sambung type jeklah.


Flight Phobia

Just came back from KL. Haiihh... Baru 2 minggu lepas balik Besut with the same flight. Sisa2 kenangan masih lekat lagi. I remembered my feelings during the journey. Bercampur-baur. I was fighting real hard to hold the tears from coming out. I had Piju on my right and hubby on my left. They wouldn't want to see the tears. We felt so empty, trying our best to pretend that everything was okay.

And I still could feel the emptiness. I still remember clearly when mama called and said "Kak, abah dah takde..." Her voice was shaking. I closedmy eyes and let the tears trapped in my closed eyelids. I fall asleep until I reached KL. I didn't want to get up because I don't want to remember abah. I…

Pengantin May 09

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I wanted to continue writing about abah, but then I couldn't turn on my laptop suddenly. Baru balik repair arini. Nak tulis sket jek kat sini.

Penah beli/baca majalah Pengantin? Dulu time before kawen, tiap bulan beli. Lepas kawen memang dah stop beli terus dah, which means dah almost 8 bulan tak beli. Tapi last night masa kuar dengan hubby tetiba rasa nak beli majalah tue. So belilah. Patutlaa.. Rupe-rupenya....




Huhu... It was in page 94, written by my 1st makeup teacher. Terharu. Lepas kelas takdelah saye contact mana sangat dia untuk update my progress. And progress saye pun takdela mantap mane. Kerjaya mekap saye selalu jek terkorban gara2 other priorities. Huhu...

Owh thanks teacher. Terharu...



I'm In Labuan

Yes, I'm in Labuan now. It's my 1st trip here and I'm supposed to enjoy every moment of it because I always look forward to be here. According to many people, Labuan has nice beaches and of coz lah due to that tax free thing.

But I'm not. Very not. Huhu... You know what, sebelum, semasa dan selepas balik dari abah's funeral, I had to travel almost every week, got meetings almost every two days and loaded with workload almost everyday. Di sebalik kesibukan, sempat gak conduct 1 kelas mekap. Haha!

Last week I went to KL. I drafted one entry tapi tak siap lagi. Nantilah saya sambung, coz suddently had to go to Labuan for 2 days. Tau kene gi Labuan masa saya tengah present kat KLCC. Not happy with that news. My mind and body is not fit to cater that yet, but then what to do. Saye dah TERLALU penat. Rasa cam sama penat dengan masa kawen dulu. Plus BWE sangat sibuk now. Seme orang cam terpaksa backup keje orang lain sebab tak cukup tenaga keje.

Rasa cam watak Dragon Ball ya…

Triple Loneliness

The fact that I already have no dad, leaves an empty space in my life, permanently. Sakit rindu pada orang jauh pun dah cukup pedih. Inikan rindu pada insan tersayang yang takkan kembali lagi. Saye dah jadi anak yatim. So sesape yang nak pahala lebih, silalah berbuat baik pada anak yatim seperti saya yer. Huhu... Merepek...

Saya tau saye belum cite details lagi pasal kematian abah. Nantilah, slowly saya cite. Otak saya pun belum fully stable lagi, tak mampu nak susun bebetul lagi mane nak cite dulu. Huhu.. Tapi soklan paling famous yang saya dapat kat SKO nie of coursela "Dah okay ke?"

Huhu... Of coursela saye akan jawab okay kan. For me, as long as saya tak menangis and tak bermuram durja, it's ok already. As long as saya dah boleh masuk keje, it's ok already. As long as I can meet people, it's okay already. As long as saye bleh buat keje kat ofis and tak nyusahkan orang lain untuk cover keje2 saya, it's ok already.

Tapi dalam hati sape yang tahu kan? Memangla…

Grief

I was back in the office after taking 5 days leave. Yes, 5 days are definitely not enough to forget all the grief, but life must go on. If grief can be forgotten, then the world is meaningless and nothing is worth living for right? Time is the best healer of all grief, and I'm still taking my time.

1st day masuk ofis, seme staff and trainee BWE diam bile nampak saya. Takde pun kata2 takziah (but I received them earlier via SMS). I know they were trying not to make me sad. They pretended like nothing happened and treated me like I was just coming back from normal leave.

Tetibe jadi sebak 1st day tue. I didn't expect it to be that way. Saye expect orang akan tanye pasal abah, tapi diorang senyap bile nampak saya and tegur pun cam sopan2. Rasa diri ini di-simpati and tuelah yang buat saya rasa sebak. Hari ke-2 onwards dah makin okay. All of us seme pretend like abah saye belum meninggal and diorang tak dengar pun pasal nie.

The next days, dah terus kene attend a few meetings kat SKO…