To Love is to Let Go....

(Transferred from Friendster's blog)

When I was in primary school, I used to encounter this question quite a lot of time "What frighten you the most?" It is because I was well known as a very brave girl before. I did stunts, I involved in mystical things and I risked my life for the things I'd love to do. That was me before. But, since I was young, I only afraid of 2 things - failure and losing my love ones.

I was a great young girl before. I scored the top 1 in the examinations for 6 years in a row. I was excellent in the curricular activities too. Every activity that I participated, there must be a good outcome of it. I led my school and every clubs that I joined. But that was temporary. After that, I have undergone a series of failures. It was the hardest time in my life but I've learnt a lot from it. Facing a fear will help us to overcome it.

I remember my conversation with Zakuan in the car yesterday. I asked him, "Which one do you think will suffer more, either a child who loses his/her parents or the other way around?" Deep inside my heart, my answer was the child who loses his/her parents. I chose that answer because my heart says so. I know that I would be in a deep grief if I lose my parents. It's a nature that children are used to be protected and supported by their parents. Parents give us life. Losing them is like losing our own life. And parents always have more than one child. If they lose one, they still have the others. But we as the child, if we lose them, there's nothing left anymore.

But Zak interpreted it in a different way. He said that parents who lose their child would suffer more. It's because, we have accepted the fact that the older ones might "go" first. As we grow older, we have set that fact in our mind that our parents would die someday. But as for the parents, they never think that their children would die first. So when it happens, it's a kind of shock to them. They'll suffer greatly, but they have to pretend to be strong because the other children still need them.

Then I asked him another question, "Which one do you think will suffer more, either a wife who loses her husband or the other way around?" Again, my answer was the wife who loses her husband. But I can't give a convincing reason to my answer. Then I realized that, all my answers were due to the second fear that I've mentioned earlier - I'm afraid losing the ones I love.

Surprisingly, this was how Zak responded to this question, "Yes, a wife will suffer more. Women are emotional, their hearts are super-soft and most of the time they can't manage their emotions well. Lelaki jiwa dan hatinya lebih tabah. So that's why I'd like you to die first. Saye tak sanggup awak menderita di atas kematian saya. Let me take all the pains and you rest peacefully there."

On the way back to my room, I cried. Yes, it's true. I realized that, the more I love someone, the higher the degree of my suffering would be. I can't imagine what would happen to me if he dies first. I always pray that I would die first, or as an option, please give me a strong heart to face it.

To love is to let go. Semakin kita menyayangi seseorang, semakin kita berisiko utk menderita di atas kehilangannya. We can't block the nature. Just wishing that my heart would be strong enough to face this greatest fear. As I said, the only way to overcome a fear is by facing it...


Zak said…
thanks syg for all the credits and for knowledge shared..i love u and u know what it means..i love u :)

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